An Easy Way to Increase Your Poise and Personal Appeal

Early in my training career, a co-worker critiqued one of my presentations and she said, “Steve you light up when you use a story about your daughter, or about a military analogy - something your from your personal experience.” This is true of all of us.

“I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.” - Maya Angelou

Prepared Spontaneity: Start by thinking of interesting things that have occurred to you, including challenging or funny situations. Then try them out and see how people respond.

A word of caution. As I work in new material, I find I can’t judge its effectiveness with absolute accuracy. Try your material ‘off Broadway’, in a low risk situation, before you are sure it’s ready for prime time. Sometimes I've said things I didn't mean to be funny, only to find they get a big laugh. Those things I write down immediately and use over and over. I have a list of my ‘best bits’ and I use them a lot.

Passion: Tell the story with a little flair; distinct details and personal passion make it interesting. When you tell an interesting and engaging story, listeners are more open to the message you want to deliver. You will come across with more personality and more power.

Keep it Fresh: I also find that a story or analogy may work when it’s new. But if I use it a lot, some lose their power. As it gets more distant, or as I get bored with my own material, I have to get new stuff.

Humble Humor: No-one likes to listen to someone brag about him or her self. Adding a bit of humility or even self-deprecating humor shows you don’t take yourself too seriously.

Demonstrate vs. Assert: In his book, The Trusted Advisor, David Maister makes the powerful point that professionals will be more successful in marketing their services if they demonstrate their expertise, rather than asserting it. Asserting your expertise makes you appear desperate and you are unconvincing. A story that illustrates experience or ability is persuasive. “John, that reminds me of work we did with ABC Company. Your situation is different, of course, but they were concerned about ...”

Communicate vs. Dominate: If you ask people about themselves and then really listen to their answers, it will be different than what they experience with most people. When was the last time you were truly listened to and fully understood?

The difference between wit and charm:

An English lady who dined with the great English statesman, Gladstone and his rival, Disraeli the following night, was asked to compare them. “When I left the dining room after sitting next to Mr. Gladstone, I thought he was the cleverest man in England. But after sitting next to Mr. Disraeli, I thought I was the cleverest woman in England.”

Whether you are networking, making a presentation or meeting someone by chance, stories are an easy way to increase your poise and persuasive power.