Great news!  The most important thing you can do to connect with your audience is (drum roll please) be YOURSELF.  No kidding.  You don’t have to be beautiful, funny, or even charismatic.  If you happen to be any of these things; congratulations! Use your gifts wisely.   The rest of us will have to be content with just being ourselves.  Frankly, it’s the most important thing you can be, and here’s why.

Whenever we meet someone for the first time, the first thing we’re determining, immediately and virtually unconsciously, is our level of trust.  If the person we’re meeting makes eye contact, smiles warmly, even shyly, and feels authentic and sincere, we allow ourselves to trust him or her, albeit provisionally at first.  The longer we come in contact with this person and the more consistent their behavior, the more trust develops.  Conversely, if we meet someone who doesn’t make eye contact, doesn’t smile, doesn’t feel authentic and sincere, our guard immediately goes up.  We will be skeptical and untrusting of that individual.  What’s more, it will take a lot of time and effort on his or her part to negate our first impression.

What occurs in a one-on-one meeting is that same dynamic we experience when watching a presenter.  Our first concern, before subject matter, length of speech or even viewpoint, is trustworthiness.  In plain language the audience wants to know; “Are you for real?”  “Do YOU believe what you’re saying?”  “Are you willing to let us in?” “Do you really care about us?” If the answers to these questions are affirmative, they will let you in.  They will trust you.  They will LISTEN.

Therefore, it is absolutely imperative that you BE YOURSELF.  Trust your audience to accept you for you, unfunny, overweight, bald.  Who cares?  You’re not asking them to be you, you’re asking them to listen to you.  One-of-a-kind, sincere, authentic, 100% YOU.  Once they see that you’re the real deal, then and only then are they open to what it is you have to say.  So take a deep breath, throw your shoulders back and be the only thing you and only you can be; yourself.

Real life example; Ursula the Sea Witch as Real Estate Speculator

Not long ago I was invited by a colleague to a presentation for Real Estate Investors.  A builder and a realtor had joined forces to build a property with the help of investors in the hopes of selling it for a hefty profit.  The presentation was relatively informal, taking place on a Sunday afternoon. It began with an introduction by a junior member of the real estate team, who turned the “stage” over to the builder.  Lo and behold, a woman about 6 feet tall in her mid to late sixties stands up and, begins with, “Don’t mind the cough, its pneumonia, but it’s not contagious.”  If that weren’t enough to send the audience packing, her physical appearance was diametrically opposed to the ideas of “promotion” and “construction”.  She had one of the sorrier body shapes I’d ever seen; going out where a women’s body typically goes in and vice versa.  The snug black knit outfit she had on only emphasized her figure.  In addition, her slip was flying like a flag outside the slit of her skirt.  Her hair was a version of blonde not known in the natural hair color spectrum; her make-up was both too pale (skin) and too bright (lips and eyes).  To top things off, she was sporting an inordinate amount of jewelry, both cosmetic and real, all of which looked very expensive, none of which matched itself or her outfit.  “Phew!”  I hear you thinking, “Quick! Get the hook!”  Not so fast.  Once she began talking about real estate investment in general, and the property she was designing and building in particular, all thoughts or preoccupations about her appearance drifted away.  This woman was the “real deal”, and her knowledge and passion came through loud and clear.  Her explanations of how profit was to be gained through this investment were presented in such a clear understandable way; a 6 year old would have understood her.  Her reasoning and enthusiasm for her project were infectious.  Despite a rocky start, (and an uncanny resemblance to Ursula the Sea Witch from Disney’s The Little Mermaid) this woman was one of the best presenters I’d ever seen.  And what a sales woman!

The moral of this story?  Worry not if you’re less than svelte, gorgeous, or “McDreamy”.  Sincerity and authenticity are what’s beautiful to your audience.  More important, in order to be heard, you have to be you.

Copyright, 2007, bespeak