While it's negligent to fail to obtain business because you're unprepared, or lack perspective, or lapse into a sales "pitch," there are other times when you must realize there is no sale to be made.

So, stop beating yourself up. No amount of motivational tapes, "boot camps," sales books, or Belvedere martinis is going to change that. (Well, the martinis can be palliative...)

Here are the primary reasons that legitimate buyers don't buy no matter how well you've performed. Get over it.

The Lip Service Fulfillment

In this case, the buyer has promised subordinates (or perhaps the boss) to "look into" an independent view of the operation, or best practices, or external validation, and so forth. The buyer goes through the motions of talking to consultants very visibly, but concludes later that none really provided much in terms of new insights. This buyer doesn't want his or her operation examined by anyone who does not have a retirement plan vesting in the corporation, so has no intention of fulfilling this intent.

Tell Me What You Know And I Won't Pay You

It may be that some consultants actually borrow the client's watch to tell the time, but it's more often the case that the client truly asks the consultant for the time and later says, "I knew that!" This buyer wants free help and believes that by talking to enough consultants he or she can glean answers and courses of action. Unfortunately, many insecure consultants actually provide consulting for free in order to validate themselves, and so this buyer is often successful.

The Comparison Shopper

This buyer wants to run from one store to another with a lower and lower quote in hand, thereby forcing the best price to emerge. He or she sees consulting help as a commodity (this is particularly true in the IT world) and wants to comparison shop. It's highly unethical to show proprietary proposals to the competition, and you should be sure to make it clear that your proposal is for the buyer's eyes only unless mutually agreed otherwise.

The Pogo Factor

Some buyers slowly realize that they have met the enemy – in the mirror that morning. Talking to a consultant exacerbates the perception that the consultant might never have to leave the buyer's office in order to find the true cause of the problem. This buyer will not want that kind of scrutiny, knowing that internal people will be afraid to draw that conclusion, but an external person will not.

The Chicken

This is the person who's afraid to pull the trigger. There may be someone, somewhere who, to some degree, will be discomfited. There may be troubling feedback. What if the project doesn't work and there is blame? Better not to do this personally, although it makes all kinds of sense for the company.

The 80/20 Rule

If you prepare well, gain conceptual agreement on objectives, metrics, and value, and provide a proposal based on that prior agreement which contains options, you should be successful about 80% of the time. You'll submit fewer proposals, perhaps, but your "hit rate" will be such that you'll be making a lot more money. You can't pay the mortgage with the number of proposals you send out. However, you're still going to come up empty 20% or so of the time because of the factors and the characters above. It comes with the turf.

By the way, my personal favorite non-buying buyer of all time worked for one of the largest media companies in the world in New York City about ten years ago. He was head of HR, which is always problematic, but he did have a budget. In front of his staff, he pontificated to me that "price was no object" in terms of his people's development as better consultants.

After I submitted a very modest proposal of $27,000 for some minor fine-tuning, he would not return my calls. I finally got him at 7:30 one morning. "Your fee was so high," he said, "that it upset my stomach."

I sent him a bottle of Pepto Bismol by Fedex, knowing his secretary would open it and knowing she would tell everyone.

Don't beat yourself up. As Joseph Epstein wrote, "Some shores are set aside for shipwreck."