If you have a belligerent person, tell them directly that their behaviour is unacceptable. If your boss chooses to ignore your discussion and request, start looking for a new job. For many difficult people, their behaviour is a means to get attention...
Getting mad
The thing you don’t want to do is get angry. You need to set boundaries around the person’s behaviour. If you don’t do this then you are giving the person permission to continue with this behaviour. In most cases difficult people never get a lot of “push back” and so they feel their behaviour is acceptable. When you set boundaries, a lot of times, the person stops or moves on to another “victim.”
What do I mean by setting boundaries? If you have a belligerent person, tell them directly that their behaviour is unacceptable. You need to be firm in your position on this. You have to be ready to walk away, leave the meeting or demand that they leave meeting.
If you are dealing with people who interrupt, tell them that there will be a chance later to make comments and—this is important—get their agreement. Then don’t give them the opportunity to speak out of turn. Don’t be confrontational and angry in your request. If someone is interrupting during a meeting simply say, “Bill, I will let you have a chance to express your views at the end of the presentation. Thank you.” Then carry on. If Bill interrupts again, cut him off and ask him to wait until the end of the presentation. If he continues, then ask him to leave the meeting.
It’s all too easy to ignore the situation with difficult people, but if you don’t deal with it directly then you end up taking out your frustration on others, which is unfair to them and unhealthy for you. It also doesn’t deal with the “problem.” For many difficult people, their behaviour is a means to get attention, even if it is negative attention. That is why they keep coming back for more attention. If you are not dealing with them, then you get mad every time you interact with them.
What do I need to do?
I have worked with people who like to argue for the sake of an argument. You say white they say black; you say up, they say down. We have all met these people. With these people you need to be really clear on your opinion and you need to know when to agree to disagree. Again, you don’t want to become angry or push your opinion on the other person. You agree to disagree and move on to the next issue. They may want to continue arguing, however, don’t take the bait. Remember, their goal is to argue for the sake of arguing. They will want to argue about agreeing to disagree!
If you are getting angry, take some time to calm down, re-think and come back to discuss the issue again. Any time tempers flare you won’t be thinking logically. You don’t want to agree to something when you are angry.
Here is my suggestion if you’re stuck working with a difficult boss. Set a time to meet with him/her to discuss the behaviour. Explain calmly and succinctly how you feel and ask her/him to be aware of their behaviour with you. If your boss chooses to ignore your discussion and request, start looking for a new job. If you allow this behaviour to continue then you have accepted the behaviour.
Just do it!
It takes practice and courage to follow-through on these issues. You owe it to yourself to take a stand. The most important thing is to have a clear plan for dealing with the person’s behaviour and what needs to be done. If you are not clear and don’t take a stand then you are saying, “I am okay with this behaviour.” You then have no right to say you are angry about how you are treated.
| Bill Sayers - |
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Bill Sayers speaks, coaches, leads education sessions and provides management consulting services to a variety of companies. He recently completed “Funnels and Forecasts – The Great Game of Sales”. He has been a professor at George Brown College teaching Personal Selling Skills to the Sports and Event Marketing Graduate Program, and is on the faculty of Canadian Professional Sales Association and Canadian Management Centre. To receive our free “How are you Playing The Game” Scorecard and a 45 minute one-on-one session with Bill Sayers, email:
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or visit: www.TheSayersGroup.com . Read More >> |
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