Most of us have experienced that, “too close for comfort” feeling. You know what I mean. That’s when someone decides they will stand or sit just a little too close to us for our comfort. I spent a lot of time in Asia as well as in Europe and I quickly became aware of these cultural differences.
I noticed that the Japanese would never stand too close. They would never even touch my arm in a gesture even after we became very good friends. It seemed to them that getting physically close to a person implied some sort of personal, off-limits, intimacy - something which had to be earned.
On the other hand, I found that the Europeans (Italians, Spanish and French) would often stand very close when speaking with me. They would touch my shoulder or hand when making a point and even put their arm around me. I would keep backing up until there was nowhere else for me to go. I was hoping they would get the hint. I wanted to say, “give me some elbow room!” It was a tough situation at first. If you tell this person to stay out of your space, feelings will be hurt and a potential business relationship could be lost. Initially, I felt they were invading my personal space but after a while I realized there was nothing strange about this. It was just their way.
 Don’t Get Used
Often times selling can be like this. The closer we stand to the customer, the more they want to back up. Why? - out of self-preservation. They want to protect themselves from being sold or from being forced or tricked into a decision. Some customers are even more strategic. They feel that if they can keep you at bay, play hard to get, then you will work that much harder to get closer to them. In the mean time they will play you for all you’re worth. While you’re working your tail off at trying to add value and build a relationship, they will be extracting all of your knowledge in an attempt to use it to “improve their current deliverables and price.” In other words they will use your information to “beat up” their current supplier to get an even better deal or better service. In either case all of your efforts to “get closer” to the customer have failed to get you the business. You thought that since the customer allowed you to “get close” that you were building a good relationship which would result in you getting the business. Sadly just the opposite is true. In most cases the sale is typically lost or gained in this very critical rapport step. The die is cast in the first meeting when seller and buyer are eyeing each other up. How can we ensure that we don’t get used?
Rapport is a Two-Way Street
It is interesting to note that while salespeople have a reputation for being manipulative, disingenuous and shady; it is the customer that seems to most often manipulate circumstances to their advantage. Think of how many times a prospect or a customer has told you they were interested and that they would get back to you yet they never did? Or how often they gave you strong buying signals, positive affirmations on your product or service or even a purchase commitment only to never return your phone calls or emails? If you’re like most, this happens more often than not.
The bottom-line is that rapport is a two-way street. To be an effective salesperson we must be skilled at creating “influence.” Good “influencers” go beyond building rapport with the customer. They create an environment that helps the customer feel good about building rapport with the salesperson themselves! The biggest barrier to building rapport is what I like to call the “salesperson act.” This is where the salesperson focuses on building value by presenting features and benefits, looking for objections to “handle,” and side-stepping the customer’s questions about price. Remember rapport is a two-way street. Look for ways to get the customer to be comfortable with you. Let them see that you are, in fact different from all of the other salespeople that call on them. Hold the customer accountable to the same standards for which you hold yourself accountable.
It’s All About Perspective
When customers understand that we really are more interested in their viewpoint rather than making a sale they will tend to become more honest with us. How can we accomplish this? It’s quite simple really - by asking a series of strategically planned and well-thought out questions. Asking intelligent questions of the customer demonstrates that we have done our homework. It gives us the opportunity to show that we really do care, that we really have done some deep pre-approach and that we understand their pains, motives and political circumstances. It also demonstrates to the customer that we are wiling to take on the customer’s perspective. But most of all it gives us the ability to “take a step back.” The customer does not feel threatened. They do not feel as thought they need to defend themselves by manipulating you. They feel as though you are “willing” to be part of their solution. While this type of selling culture may be awkward and different for most, I can assure you it works.
So if you’re looking for a way to “get closer” with your customers and clients, take a step back.
| Mark Deo - |
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Mark Deo, CEO of SBA Network, Inc. leads a team of business growth consultants who work with senior level executive at Fortune 1000 companies in nearly every industry sector. He is an organizational psychologist and Master Instructor for Dale Carnegie Worldwide. As host of the CBS radio show, "The Small Business Hour" he was voted "Journalist of the Year" by the Small Business Administration. His latest book, The Rules of Attraction is available at http://news.markdeo.com/ and he can be contacted at 310-320-8190 or
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